Jimmy Kimmel’s FULL INTERVIEW with David Letterman

Jimmy Kimmel’s FULL INTERVIEW with David Letterman


TWO VERY LONG YEARS AGO, OUR FIRST GUEST LEFT US TO FEND FOR OURSELVES. BUT HE’S BACK, THANK GOODNESS, WITH A NEW SHOW ON NETFLIX AND A VERY FURRY FACE. ON SUNDAY, HE WILL RECEIVE THE MARK TWAIN PRIZE AT THE KENNEDY CENTER. PLEASE WELCOME DAVID LETTERMAN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ♪ [ APPLAUSE ]>>Jimmy: THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.>>I’M SO EXCITED TO BE HERE. IT IS SO GOOD TO SEE FAMOUS PEOPLE AGAIN. JUST TO BE OUT OF THE HOUSE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! AND PAUL, YOU DIDN’T TELL ME YOU WORK HERE NOW.>>I WAS AFRAID TO TELL YOU.>>THANK YOU.>>Jimmy: HE GOES BY BRITTNEY NOW.>>HOW ARE YOU AND THANK YOU, EVERYBODY, VERY NICE.>>Jimmy: HOW ARE YOU DOING?>>I’LL TELL YOU SOMETHING. YOU’RE LOOKING AT A MAN WHO IS LAUGHING ON THE OUTSIDE, CRYING ON THE INSIDE. I DON’T KNOW IF YOU’VE HAD THIS PROBLEM FOR A YEAR. I HAVE BEEN LOOKING HIGH AND LOW. I AM DETERMINED TO FIND A SHIRT THAT LOOKS GOOD UNTUCKED. I CAN’T FIND ONE.>>Jimmy: I THINK THERE’S A WEBSITE.>>COULD IT BE THAT HARD?>>Jimmy: IS THIS SUIT YOU’RE WEARING FROM THE LATE SHOW? OR IS THIS SOMETHING YOU HAD TO GO OUT AND GET ON YOUR OWN?>>NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. CAN I TALK TO YOU, JIMMY?>>Jimmy: YEAH, SURE. TALK.>>YOU KNOW ME, I’M A CELEBRITY.>>Jimmy: YEAH. AND WHEN STUFF HAPPENS, JUST TO GIVE YOU AN EXAMPLE, I’LL START SLOW. MANY IT’S, MANY, MANY YEARS AGO MY NIECE GOT MARRIED. WHEN YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED, YOU WANT LIKE A BIG THING AND A HONEYMOON AND A REHEARSAL DINNER AND ALL THAT CRAP, AND PRESENTS. SO I THOUGHT LONG AND HARD AND SAID I HAVE TO GET BIG IMPRESSIVE PRESENTS BECAUSE I AM THE TOP STAR OF THE DAY. I FIGURED IT OUT AND YOU GET A SET OF TIRES. AND YOU WRAP THEM UP INDIVIDUALLY SO YOU HAVE FOUR ENORMOUS GIFTS. AND THEY’RE TIRES. SO I THOUGHT, WELL, THIS IS FANTASTIC. MY WORK IS DONE HERE. WHO CARES IF THEY WON THEM OR IF THEY USE THEM? AND THEN I THINK ONE TIME, BECAUSE YOU’RE IN SHOW BUSINESS AND YOU WOULD GET THE JOKE, I SAID TO YOU, TIES.>>Jimmy: I DIDN’T TAKE IT AS A JOKE AND IN FACT I WILL WEARING ONE OF THE TIES.>>THAT’S A BEAUTY. THAT ONE SHOULDN’T HAVE GONE OUT.>>Jimmy: YOU SENT ME A FEW DAYS AFTER YOU LEFT THE LATE SHOW, ALL OF YOUR TIES. I’M HAPPY ABOUT THAT. AND I AM STILL DELIGHTED.>>AND ONE TIME MY AGENT’S SON WAS HAVING A BAR MITZVAH, SENT HIM A PACK OF CIGARETTES. IT IS ONLY A JOKE. WE ALL UNDERSTAND THAT. YOU UNDERSTAND IT. THE KID UNDERSTOOD IT. EVERYBODY DID. SO A COUPLE YEARS AGO WHEN I WAS EITHER FIRED OR I RETIRED.>>Jimmy: OKAY.>>ALL A BLUR NOW. AND PEOPLE WERE MINDLESSLY SAYING NICE THINGS ABOUT ME. YOU WERE EFFUSIVE.>>Jimmy: YES, YES.>>BY THE WAY, FOR THE PURPOSE OF THIS CONVERSATION, I HAVE NOTHING BUT THE HIGHEST REGARD FOR ALL THE TALK SHOW MEN AND TALK SHOWS. EVEN JIMMY FALLON.>>Jimmy: THAT’S NICE. YEAH.>>SO PEOPLE WERE SAYING NICE THINGS SO I SAID, AND CONAN O’BRIAN WHO IS LIKE SOME SORT OF GOD ON MT. OLYMPUS. HE RUNS AROUND TELLING PEOPLE HE WENT TO HARVARD. WE DON’T KNOW. SO HE GOES ON MY OLD SHOW, THE STEPHEN COLBERT SHOW.>>Jimmy: ON FRIDAY.>>HE WROTE SOMETHING THAT WAS JUST BEAUTIFUL. DO YOU REMEMBER THAT?>>THE THING CONAN WROTE FOR YOU?>>YEAH.>>NO, I DON’T REMEMBER IT. [ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ]>>I HAPPENED TO SEE THIS. TONIGHT ON JIMMY’S SHOW, HE IS TALKING TO AN AGENT VAGRANT.>>THE VIEWER GUIDE WILL SAY THAT.>>SO ANY WAY, CONAN, THIS BEAUTIFUL THING. AND I THOUGHT THIS IS THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY TO SEND A [ BLEEP ] SHOW BUSINESS HE GIFT. SO I THOUGHT, DO YOU KNOW WHAT I’LL DO? I’LL SEND HIM A HORSE. THING HOLLYWOOD YOU CAN GET LIVESTOCK AND STUFF FOR SHOWS. AND I GET A COUPLE OF COWBOYS AND I’LL SEND HIM OUT A HORSE. AND THE IDEA WILL BE THAT HE’LL HAVE THE HORSE ON THE SHOW AND THE HORSE WILL TAKE A DUMP ON THE SHOW AND IT WILL BE HILARIOUS. ISN’T THAT HILARIOUS?>>Jimmy: IT IS HILARIOUS TO SEND SOMEONE A HORSE. YEAH.>>SO LIKE TWO OR THREE DAYS LATER, I REALIZED, OH, NO, THINGS HAVE GONE TERRIBLY WRONG. I GET THIS LOVELY LETTER FROM CONAN SAYING, MY WIFE LOVES THE HORSE AND SHE IS GOING TO KEEP THE HORSE BECAUSE SHE IS AN ETRES TREEAN. I’M PRESBYTERIAN. ARE YOU JEWISH?>>NO.>>SO NOW I’M SCREWED BECAUSE I WAS COUNTING ON HER RETURNING THE HORSE AND I WOULD GET MY MONEY BACK.>>Jimmy: CAN YOU RETURN A HORSE?>>OH, YEAH. A TERRIBLE DISCOUNT. SO I DON’T HEAR ANYTHING ABOUT IT UNTIL CONAN SHOWS UP ON THE LATE SHOW THAT I USED TO BE ON WITH STEPHEN COLBERT. AND NOW HE’S LOST HIS MIND. DID YOU SEE IT?>>Jimmy: I DID.>>WAS HE LIKE A CRAZY MAN?>>Jimmy: NOT ONLY DID I SEE IT BUT HE COMPLAINED TO ME PERSONABLY THE HORSE.>>LIKE IT’S MY FAULT?>>Jimmy: WELL, YOU DID SEND HIM THE HORSE IN ALL FAIRNESS.>>IT WAS A JOKE. TAKE A DUMP ON THE STAGE. LOAD HIM UP AND GET HIM BACK. THAT’S WHAT IT WAS. YOU DON’T THINK THE HORSE KNEW WHAT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO DO? NOT MY PROBLEM. SO NOW I DIDN’T SEE IT. FROM WHAT I INFER, AS CONAN WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT THE HORSE. AND THE HORSE HAS GONE CRAZY. SOMETHING HAPPENED. MAYBE IT’S BEEN AROUND CONAN ALL DAY.>>Jimmy: THE HORSE IS SAID TO BE UNRIDEABLE.>>OF COURSE HE IS UNRIDEABLE. ALL HE HAD TO DO WAS TAKE A DUMP ON THE STAGE. SO NOW HE’S COMPLAINING LIKE THE MAY BE LITIGATION. AND MAYBE I’LL GET A CALL FROM PETA. AND APPARENTLY HE BROKE INTO CONAN’S MANSION?>>Jimmy: THE HORSE BROKE INTO HIS MANSION? THAT I DIDN’T HEAR.>>AND ONE OF CONAN’S SERVANTS WAS KICKED IN THE HEAD.>>Jimmy: OH, BOY, THAT’S NO GOOD.>>SO IF YOU RUN INTO CONAN, IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A JOKE. HOW CRAZY CAN THE HORSE BE?>>Jimmy: HORSES CAN BE CRAZY. I DON’T WANT TO DEFEND CONAN.>>IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE DEFENDING HIM.>>Jimmy: BOTTOM LINE, YOU NEED A BETTER GIFT. LOOK AT THIS. IT IS NOT KICKING ANYBODY IN THE HEAD. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>FOR THE SAKE OF THIS, IF I HAD SENT YOU THE HORSE, THERE WOULD BE NONE OF THIS, MY WIFE LOVES IT. WE’RE KEEPING THE HORSE. I MEAN HE HAS A HALF ACHOR IN STUDIO CITY. WHERE IS HE GOING TO KEEP THE DAMN HORSE?>>Jimmy: I THINK THAT’S THE QUESTION HE WAS ASKING TOO.>>THE POINT IS NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED.>>Jimmy: WHEN IN DOUBT, AN EDIBLE ARRANGEMENT IS A NICE GIFT. DAVID LETTERMAN IS HERE WITH US.>>Jimmy: DAVID LETTERMAN IS IN THE GUEST CHAIR.>>AGAIN, I’M HERE BUT EVERYBODY HERE USED TO WORK FOR ME. HOW DID I END UP WITHOUT A SHOW?>>Jimmy: YOU’RE MORE THAN WELCOME TO HAVE THIS ONE.>>THEN NO ONE WOULD HAVE A — WELL, WE WOULD BE DOWN TO JIMMY.>>Jimmy: TELL ME ABOUT THE NETFLIX SHOW IF YOU WOULD. WILL THERE BE A STUDIO AUDIENCE FOR THE SHOW?>>THESE GOOD QUESTIONS.>>DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DO? LIKE DO YOU HAVE A MOVIE YOU LIKE?>>Jimmy: SPIDERMAN.>>SO YOU CALL THEM UP. THEY HAVE AWARE HOUSE SOMEWHERE. AND SOMEBODY GOES THROUGH AND THEY FINDS SPIDERMAN. THEY GET THE DISK IS THAT THEY PUT IN IT AN ENVELOPE WITH YOUR NAME ON IT AND THEY SHOOT HIM.>>Jimmy: NETFLIX ISN’T DOING THAT ANYMORE.>>THEY’RE NOT?>>Jimmy: THERE’S A WHOLE NEW WALLOW OVER. >>I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT. IT INCREASES THE POSSIBILITY OF ELECTROCUTION IN YOUR OWN HOLE.>>Jimmy: DO YOU HAVE A TITLE FOR THE SHOW?>>NO. BUT WE’RE LOOKING FOR INTERESTING GUESTS.>>Jimmy: I HEARD YOU ASKED HOWARD STERN.>>YEAH, I THINK HE WOULD BE GOOD. HE SEEMS TO BE NERVOUS ABOUT IT. AND ANY TIME YOU CAN GET HOWARD TO BE NERVOUS, I THINK YOU’VE ACCOMPLISHED SOMETHING.>>Jimmy: YOU MENTIONED YOU WOULD WELCOME DONALD TRUMP AND THE POPE TOGETHER WOFLT THAT BE TOGETHER OR SEPARATE?>>I’LL TELL YOU WHO WE GOT. YOU KNOW THE WHCOMMERCIAL WHERE THE GUY SAW AS BOAT IN HALF AND WE’VE GOT HIS BROTHER.>>SO WE’RE ALL SET TO GO.>>Jimmy: THIS EVENT AT KENNEDY CENTER THAT’S HAPPENING, ARE YOU FEEL MORE COMFORTABLE NOW? ACCEPTING MORE ACCOLADES?>>NO, NO, IT IS A FIXED FIGHT. THEY HAVE TO HAVE SOMEBODY SHOW UP AND I’M NOT DOING ANYTHING. SO I SAID I’LL BE THERE. AND BY THE WAY, THANK YOU FOR YOUR PARTICIPATION.>>Jimmy: THANK YOU FOR ASKING ME. I WOULD HAVE BEEN DEVASTATED IF YOU HAVEN’T. I ALMOST FELT LIKE YOU ASKED ME BECAUSE YOU KNEW HOW UPSET I WOULD BE IF I WERE EXCLUDED FROM THE EVENT.>>THAT’S TRUE. YOU’RE NOT THINKING ABOUT IT.>>Jimmy: THIS NETWORK? EVENTUALLY, SURE.>>HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN HERE?>>Jimmy: ALMOST 15 YEARS. IT WILL BE 15 YEARS IN JANUARY. TIME TO GO?>>NO. YOU’RE RIGHT WHERE YOU WANT TO BE NOW.>>Jimmy: I GUESS SO. DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU MISS IT?>>NO — NO — SOME PARTS. I MISS WEARING MAKE-UP.>>Jimmy: SURE. THAT’S THE BEST. DO YOU LIKE THE BAND OR NOT?>>IT’S A TERRIFIC BAND AND WE GET TO WEAR MAKE-UP AND PLAY MUSIC. WE HAVE IT MADE UP HERE.>>Jimmy: WHAT DO YOU THINK THE OLD BAND THINKS SEEING YOU GUYS?>>ABSOLUTELY PISSED.>>Jimmy: I’VE HEARD YOU SAY YOU’RE AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT PERSON.>>I AM. THANK GOD BECAUSE THE GREAT STRUGGLE IN LIFE IS TO BE BETTER EACH AND EVERY DAY. AND IF YOU TAKE A LOOK AROUND THE HORIZON OF HUMIDANITY, IS THERE ANYTHING WE CAN DO BIG OR SMALL TO MAKE THE LIFE OF ONE PERSON A LITTLE THE BIBETTER? AND THAT’S NO SMALL ACCOMPLISHMENT. ANYWAY, I’M PROFILING FOR YOU WHAT LIFE AFTER — WAS I FIRED OR RETIRED?>>Jimmy: RETIRED. YOU RETIRED. THERE WAS A WHOLE THING. THERE WAS A SHOW AND EVERYONE PAID TRIBUTE.>>OH, THAT’S RIGHT.>>Jimmy: HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ANY OF THAT?>>NO.>>HAVE YOU SEEN YOURSELF ON TELEVISION?>>NO. I WON’T WATCH THIS SHOW TONIGHT. NOT BECAUSE OF YOU. BECAUSE OF ME. DO YOU WATCH YOURSELF ON TV?>>Jimmy: NEVER, EVER, EVER. WHEN I SEE MYSELF, I CHANGE CHANNEL.>>IT’S TOO AWKWARD. I WAS IN COLORADO AND I’M LOST. HOPELESSLY LOST. AND I SEE A THING. A COFFEE SHOP. BUT NOT A COFFEE SHOP. IT IS LIKE BEANS AND THINGS OR WHATEVER THEY CALL IT. SO I REMEMBER SEEING THAT ON MY DRIVE FROM THE AIRPORT SO I KNOW I’M IN THE GENERAL VICINITY OF THE AIRPORT. SO I WALK IN. I’M NOT WEARING A SUIT BUT I’M CLOTHED. [ LAUGHTER ] AND I KNOW I BRING THIS ON MYSELF BECAUSE OF THE BEARD. YOU HAVE A BEARD YOURSELF. ARE PEOPLE OUT ALL THE TIME ABOUT SHAVING?>>Jimmy: NO. THEY LIKE MINE. IT’S KEMPT.>>I LOOK LIKE A CIVIL WAR STATUE.>>Jimmy: THERE’S TALK ABOUT GETTING IT REMOVED.>>I HAVE BEEN REMOVED.>>I HEARD THAT, PAUL, IT’S NOT FUNNY. SO I GO INTO THE STORE AND I SAY I’M LOST. I’M LOOKING FOR THE AIRPORT. SHE SAYS OH, SURE. I SAY CAN YOU JUST JOT DOWN SOME INSTRUCTIONS? SURE. BE HAPPY TO. SO SHE WRITES IT OUT. GO DOWN HERE A HALF MILE. IT WILL BE ANDERSON STREET. TURN RIGHT ON ANDERSON STREET. THEN YOU GO TO DEEP VALLEY OR SOME COLORADO NAME. AND THEN YOU GO TO PINE VALLEY. ALL THE WAY UP TO SKI HILL. SO I’M LOOKING AT THEM. SHE’S GOT LIGHTS AND SPEED LIMITS. A WONDERFUL BIT OF DIAGRAMMING. AND A LOVELY YOUNG WOMAN. AND I SAID THIS IS FANTASTIC. THANK YOU. YOU’VE SAVED MY LIFE. AND I SAID HOW LONG WILL THIS TAKE ME TO GET THERE? AND SHE LOOKS AT ME. AND I’M LIKE THIS MORE OR LESS. AND SHE SAYS, ARE YOU WALKING? [ LAUGHTER ] YEAH. I’M WALKING. I’M WALKING TO THE AIRPORT.>>Jimmy: DAVE, I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR YOU BEING HERE TONIGHT. I DO HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU. A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR YOU.>>I DON’T WANT IT.>>Jimmy: WE HAVE IT OUTSIDE.>>I DON’T WANT IT.>>Jimmy: I THINK YOU’LL LIKE IT. IT IS A BABY BULL.>>WHAT IS IT?>>Jimmy: A BABY BULL. HE’S BEEN WANDERING BROOKLYN AND NOW HE’S ALL YOURS.>>I’LL TAKE IT. I’LL TAKE IT. I’LL BE HAPPY TO TAKE THE [ BLEEP ] BULL. DO I LEAVE NOW?>>Jimmy: WE’LL HAVE PAUL —

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  1. Apparently Dave doesn't use Google maps like everyone else on Earth, then wonders why the lady thought he was walking.

  2. MIT raketen solarsatelitenspiegelkugeln in universium MIT skygate kugeln fernsteuern von osten zu western wie die erde die sonne umkreisen skygate steuert solarsatelitenspiegeln um die sonne und erde
    Danke Madonna for the music and Simonetta sommaruga fuer die true in ihrem Leben

  3. Dave, you are one of the all time greatest. Top three in my opinion. Mr Carson obviously number one. You retired. STAY retired. You deserve it. You don't need the limelight anymore. Just go and LIVE!!

  4. Letterman is the king. They said it was Carson but I have to say that Letterman took the the "Talk Show" to new heights! The new guys all bring their share of Letterman's influence to the game and they all give him his props. He is now the crotchety old elder and he does it in style! Bravo to Jimmy for the little bull!

  5. Some people prefer cynical, resentful, hate-driven humor, so they tuned in to Kimmel or Letterman. Thankfully I was never one of them, so I preferred Leno or Conan.

  6. Letterman sucks how in the hell did they think that he was supposed to be funny. Paul his band director looks like a condor bald headed jerk. Letterman started on the news in Indianapolis Indiana and he was not taking the news seriously they should have fired his dumbass

  7. You gotta love how the band falls apart during the intro music, straight into polish free jazz at the end there 😀

  8. Poor Letterman. Looking old and tired. It seems like only yesterday he was the coolest thing on late night.

  9. Any regrets Dave? Yes, I Retired
    Why is that a regret?
    Because i can not rip the piss out of Trump on a nightly basis
    Look up the words "BITTER OLD BASTARD" and there is a picture of LETTERMAN

  10. Two of the bogged baby killing scumbags in America, how i pray their sons are struck down dead’s because no liberal baby killer deserves to have children , they are col blooded baby murderers , nothing more

  11. He is alredy 73 years old ( 2 steps from the grave) he has 35 millions dollars and he offers tires to his niece and cries about a horse gift he didn't get back ( he is serious about it, he is not just trying to be funny)…..tragic

  12. The audio on David Letterman is terrible. I don't know if it his beard that muffles it or it is just bad technicians but while Kimmel's audio and everyone else's is clear and loud, for much of the interview David Letterman is barely discernible.

  13. Two very talented talk show hosts here. Letterman was always funny to me in a torpid, hebetudinous, and dopey way.
    And I wonder why he decided to grow that horrific, repulsive, abhorrent beard. I'm not against men having beards and I actually have a beard. I AM against men who grow beards that look like a rats nest on steroids. The only beards that look presentable to me are beards which are trimmed closely. Not more than about 1/4 inch in length.

  14. Oh Dave, he tried so hard to deny that he missed his show and all it meant. Most telling was often involving Paul so often in this. But you can tell that he does, almost desperately. He still has "it" though and is trying hard to replicate something of what he had. If anyone can pull off a comeback, he can, and I hope he does. It's damned hard to leave what was your whole identity behind in retirement.

  15. That's when you know you are a legend and Im talking about the legendary Letterman. Im talking about DiFaras pizza in Brooklyn. I cant believe I just saw that at the beginning. Very Cool!

  16. Enougb about Conan and the horse. What a lousy guest. He didnt make it as a comedian talking about every other talk show host. How about some observational humor he used to be known for?

  17. Hold on let me pause this and go search Conan talking about the horse with Steve Cobert… okay i'm back.. unpause.

  18. He was much better than Stephen Colbert. Sure Stephen is definitely witty. But I find him quite annoying. I actually can't even watch his show at all. And Jimmy falon has moments that I like , some of the games he does are funny. Some make me cringe. I think that late night television is not what it used to be. Or maybe I'm just getting old

  19. Sadly there isn’t a Letterman channel on YouTube. He surely left with a fight! I love this man, he is the perfect example of an Anchor or Host!

  20. Dave in an old bitter dude who still wish to be young and funny. His insecurities are always on display.

  21. A beard does not make you look good a beard does not make you macho it's actually embarrassing to see these men with all this hair on their face

  22. Jimmy Kimmel: "Hey guys, lets have David Letterman on with Paul Shaffer…it will be great for ratings and will help us wipe out our competition"

    David comes on the show and proceeds to talk about Conan for 10 minutes.

  23. I really like the new series on Netflix. It's very good..he asks great questions and gets fantastic responses!

  24. I HATE absolutely HATE Kimmel's laugh. Makes it almost intolerable to watch Letterman, my absolute favorite talk show host

  25. jimmy loved every minute of this!! he let his mentor do his thing!!!! just how john Stewart dose his thing on the tonight show!!! it is called respect!! learn from the past and the next generation should improve on it look at the mistakes of the past Fallon!!!

  26. I want Ellen to fill in for a late night host to see what it would be like if the queen of daytime stepped into late night – hard to say if it would fit right but she deffs knows how to interview celebs :p

  27. Kimmel has an enormous amount of respect for Letterman to let the man talk and not interrupt to make a witty quip.

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