PewDiePie: Ahhhh! Okay, so I’ve been sick for a couple days. I’m still sick. Let’s see what has happened while I was gone. [reads on-screen] “U need to see jake paul’s music video, he dissed u” [Continues to read tweets aloud] Jake Paul dissed you~! “Holy sh!t Jake Paul roasting Pewdiepie” “Thats soooo lit (emojis)” [PewDiePie Screams] “U better watch out, team 10 is coming for you~ (emoji)” PewDiePie: NOO! [shaky breathing] Not JP, not JP. How bad is it? HOW? What did he say? WHAT DID HE SAY IN HIS VIDEO? JP: “5 Mil on YouTube in six months Never done before Passed all the competition, man, PewDiePie is next!” PewDiePie: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! [lightly hits wall] AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AGHHHH, this makes me so angry! I’m still sick, calm down Felix, ah that son of a bich. (Christia I bet he’s the one that poisoned me. Oh, I bet it was JP all along. That sleek son of a bich! [grunts] We haven’t watched this whole thing yet! We have to see the whole thing. First of all who the f*ck is JP? Who the f*ck Is Jake Paul? I don’t know. I ha- he has fun, okay. He eats food. He’s Dirk from Disney Channel! Okay so he’s a Disney Channel… One of these Disney Channel actors, that’s cool. Can’t be that bad. Let’s listen. JP: Ya. PewDiePie: Always appreciate a good “ya” at the beginning of a song, uh, for no reason. [chuckles] I’m going to- going to try not to pause
every- every millisecond of this song, but… JP: Ya. PewDiePie: That is a good “ya.” We have to appreciate that- [stuttering]
that’s- that’s a good– that’s a good “ya.” [music plays again] [indistinguishable audio watermark] PewDiePie: Is it the watermark? They didn’t buy that loop? PewDiePie: Like, you play some rap music right, that’s free… [different track] : “AudioJungle” See? AudioJungle. What the f*ck is it? [indistinguishable audio watermark] [Laughing] [AUDIOJUNGLE] PewDiePie: I’m glad, I’m glad we got the whole Disney Channel thing out of the way from the first fucking line. [Laughing] “Hey guys, in case you don’t know, “I’m on Disney Channel. “How can I say that in a way that make sense– “Uh, everyday bro, Disney Channel FLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWW!” PewDiePie: He’s saying… that I’m not his competition because he said he passed all his competition which
basically puts me- Where does that put me, actually? PewDiePie: I’m really confused.
J– JP, you’re gonna have to [Stuttering]
re- re- re- re-it- iter- re-eter- itter -itur- ate? REITERATE it- [shakes hands aroound] F*ck, I got the shakes again. Goddamnit! J.P. You son of a b*tch! How DARE YOU?! How DARE you use my name in the video! HOW DARE YOU?!? PewDiePie: That- it may sound here like that his flow is all off, hey, it may s- it may sound completely
terrible. But really here, what JP is doing is a new form of rapping,
it’s meant to sound like shit. PewDiePie: [tries to wrap like JP] “Yeah I’m talking about you, you begging for attention, is this how you rap, you
just say a bunch of words, and this sounds totally wack, and, uh– I swear I’m not
on crack and I– I just like to smack that booty back, yeah and I’m talking about
you.” PewDiePie: It’s absolutely incredible, this sort of rapping takes incredible
skills; it takes intellect, it takes talent, it takes years of grinding, years
of training, years of preparation, it takes talking sh!t on Twitter, it takes
all kinds of sh- it takes so much shit- [Pause] and- and- and- Jake Paul will know because he eats food. PewDiePie: I don’t understand what the f*ck is happening here, is he talking about his ex or some sh*t like that?
Please- please let that- okay, I mean, it’s- it’s genius! That’s what it is, it’s really–
did he make this just for this, is this why I’m reacting to this? Because he
argues with his girlfriend? [Chuckles] PewDiePie: Damn, damn, he goes– J– if JP breaks up with you, he goes hard- “And all the recordings too!” It is– that is lyrical– mind blast. There’s meaning behind every
syllable, every line… (Short pause) …Every facial expression tells an incredible story! PewDiePie: [Chuckle] “Oh, and by the way I just dropped some new merch!!!” [Sad pause] Oh, he b*tches about his girlfriend for like– for a couple lines and then, “Oh, by the way, got new
merch, it’s selling like a ‘god Church.'” PewDiePie: What is a god Church? Uhhhhh, it’s the church
with the God in it, what do you think? Oh, what are you stupid?
A “god Church,” you never heard one of those? It’s selling like a “god Church.” I love how they clearly got stuck here. “Hey, hey, okay,
alright we got– I dropped some new merch, how it’s selling like a– what rhymes with merch? Uhhhh, church, it’s selling like a CHURCH!!” PewDiePie: Legit like I wish
that illness killed me now, I- I’m not joking at all, I want to die, I want to I
want to be dead now, I don’t want to– I don’t want to, no, no– I don’t want it
anymore. PewDiePie: Did he get a tattoo of a d*ck on his leg? PewDiePie: AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! WHAT IS THAT?! *small pause* WHAT IS–?! W H A T I S T H A T ? ! 𝓦𝓗𝓐𝓣 𝓘𝓢 𝓣𝓗𝓐𝓣 𝓣𝓗𝓘𝓝𝓖?!! PewDiePie: ..He’s absolutely perfect I’ve never seen a more beautiful man in my entire life.~ ENGLAND IS MY CITY! (???) [About to enter a fit of laugher] PewDiePie: Nooooo…..oooo England… ENGLAND [Moan] Ohhhhh! England is your city… O H N O Oh no- oh–
you’re retarded. [groan] Ughhhhhhh! Err– my cit- ci- city is the whole planet– ｅｎｇｌａｎｄ ｉｓ ｍｙ ｃｉｔｙ PewDiePie: I like how he, uh, he’s so fat that he straight-up destroyed this jacket. Like, look how it’s
hanging by literally its last thread. PewDiePie: Okay, she’s gonna educate us. PewDiePie: Well, anyone that talks like that- I don’t want Them to educate me [Laughs] PewDiePie: “Let me educate ya and we ain’t talking 𝓑𝓞𝓞𝓚!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What I love most of all about JP is that– is besides all his success, he remains humble. Jake Paul: Yes they all copy me, but that’s some shitty clones PewDiePie: *burps* I think this song has killed me. (me too.) I wanna die more
than I’ve ever died before. Someone please- DON’T call an ambulance Let me just- -Never return. This is it guys, I’m- I- it’s been great, it’s been great. Let’s see what some other people thought about JP’s wonderful song– [Random British boy #1] I like how the lyrics are on screen, man. PewDiePie: oh, ah-oh tha-that’s always a plus in a rap song. [Random British boy #2] The lyrics just match like…. PewDiePie: The what? [#2] The lyrics just match like… [Then his brain stopped] PewDiePie: The lyrics just match WHAT?
You can’t just say that and then say nothing, please say
something else! “You are retard” PewDiePie: I think we all can draw some inspiration from that. Now excuse me while I’m going to kill myself– ah [YA] [crappy ‘Why Can’t We Be Friends’ instrumental] [Keemstar sighs]