How to be a Canadian

How to be a Canadian


How to be a Canadian Follow these steps and you too can be like us, eh? Step 1: Learn the different regions of Canada. Still working on the rigs? Naw, I got laid off If you don’t get to work you’re not coming to the bar you greasy bluenoser. There’s always next year. Dude, I got the munchies Can we get sushi? Aye, again I spilled the mustard on my favourite shirt.Pay tribute to our fallen soldiers by gently stabbing yourself with a poppy. Oh sweet! Timbits! Oh, great, you guys ate all the good ones again. Eugh, you should really take off that poppy. This poppy? No, I can’t take this poppy off. You see, our forefathers, They sacrificed their lives For the rights and for the freedoms That we enjoy to this day The least I could do is wear this One, little flower, for Remember the golden age of Canadian television ♫ Body Break theme music ♫ Yo, can I trade you ketchup for all dressed? Sure. ♫ Sleep Country Canada ♫ ♫ Why buy a mattress, anywhere else? ♫ Ding! ♫ Drugs, drugs, drugs. ♫ ♫ Which are good, which are bad? ♫ The North American house hippo Is found throughout Canada and the Eastern United States. How come I’ve never seen a house hippo! Have you seen a house hippo? Learn Canadian jargon Try your hardest to push the middle out of a toonie. Ah, she’ll go. Give me a try, eh? Cool! Wait… Isn’t defacing money illegal? (Police megaphone) Come out with your hands up! Love your Canadian celebrities. Oh, Justin You’re so dreamy. Everything about you is so hot. Your hair, Your tattoo, Your powerful elbows Suzy, Come quick The Barenaked Ladies and Gordon Lightfoot Are on George Stroumboulopoulos! Wait a second, what are you doing? Uh… Just doing my social studies. I’ll come join you on the chesterfield. Respect the Canadian legal system. Hey there, fellas. Oh shoot! It’s the RCMP! That graffiti there is in direct violation Of section 22b of the Official Languages act. English and French please. Recognize that whether you love or hate hockey, You’ll probably get drunk because of it. Don Cherry: And that’s why I’m wearing green and this beautiful hat They’re talking about Don’s clothing! Drink! Don Cherry: Kids… Drink! Ron MacLean: We gotta go quick. We got a minute forty-five… Ah, they’re running out of time, drink. (Don Cherry plays invisible piano) Oh, yo, he’s doing the piano thing. Drink, that’s two, that’s two That’s two Don Cherry: (Nonsense) Everyone finish your mickeys What? I thought we were drinking 2-6s Learn the Canadian version of American things Take advantage of free healthcare Hey did you hear they made O Canada gender neutral? What, you mean chicks can sing it now? How’s she look, boys? Get on it and give’r, bud! ♫ Body Break Theme ♫ So it looks like you’re already covered for you cast Your CT scan And the new titanium leg The only remaining balance is $17.38 for the crutches 17 bucks!? Sorry but I’ll be speaking to my local MP about this. Understand the metric system, half of the time. Welcome back to “Who Wants To Win A Million, Eh?” Are you ready for your final question? Yeah, let’s give’r For one million Canadian Dollars… Is it A, 40? B, 80? C, 65? D, 200? Oh, I don’t know, I don’t know kilograms Now remember You can earn a bonus lifeline By listening to one Nickelback song in it’s entirety I think I’m going to walk. Never accept substitutes for real maple syrup Woah! You’re not gonna use that crap, are ya? Yeah? Tastes nothing like the real thing Whatever, it’s all the same Mr. Russell, that’s the 3rd time this month I’m gonna have to write you up for contraband Can’t you just give me a warning? Sorry 20 hours of community curling?! That’s like my whole weekend And finally, Know the difference between a good and a bad poutine Little boy, what seems to be the matter? My poutine… Your poutine? What’s wrong with your poutine? The gravy wasn’t hot enough to melt my cheese curds Oh my God I swear on the ghost of John A. Macdonald That we are going to find out who did this to you And when we do, we are going to file A formal complaint! What did we miss? Leave a comment in the comment section below, eh?

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  1. The thing is in Canada you pay more money on taxes that allow free healthcare, whereas in the U.S. you just pray that you don't get hurt and instead spend the money on something else. Like health insurance 😉

  2. No sighting/mention of…

    1. Michael J. Fox

    2. Leslie Nelson

    3. Donald/Kiefer Sutherland

    4. Rich Little

    5. Alex Trebek

    6. Pamela Anderson

    7. Rowdy Roddy Piper

    8. Brett Hart

    10. Chris Jericho

    11. Paul Anka

    12. Neil Young

    13. Joni Mitchell

    14. The Guess Who

    15. Rush

    16. April Wine

    17. Loverboy

    18. Bryan Adams

    19. Shania Twain

    20. Alanis Morrisette

    21. Celine Dion

    22. Shawn Mendes
    23. Russell Peters

    24. Alexander Graham Bell

    25. Tommy Douglas

    26. Lester B. Pearson

    27. Inventor of the Wonder Bra

    28. Inventor of the Walkie Talkie

    29. Butter Tarts

    30. Swiss Chalet

  3. If you want a comedic trip to Canada, go to Montreal. Quite a lot of ridiculous stuff going on. Also everyone speaks French alors bonne chance.

  4. More Canadian Versions Of American Things
    Marshalls = Winners
    TJ Maxx = StyleSense
    Bed Bath & Beyond = Home Outfitters
    Bill Clinton = Paul Martin
    Planet Fitness = Goodlife Fitness
    TSA = CATSA
    Kohl’s = Canadian Tire
    TGI Fridays = Boston Pizza
    Nordstrom Rack = Holt Renfrew Last Call
    Outback Steakhouse = Baton Rouge Restaurant
    Panera Bread = Timothy Bakery

  5. The only times Canadians use eh in a sentence is to replace the word “right” or “huh”. For example, the weather is looking good today, eh?

  6. Step 1: Dont go to dunkin go to Tim Hortons get munchies and coffee it's the Canadian snack meal for every day in the snow.

  7. Step one: drink soylent or bagmilk.
    Step two: say aye like you're gay.
    Step three: carry 5 round federally modified and mandated magazines for semiauto guns.
    Step four: be fucking offended by everything I just said. Your flag is a fuckin leaf, let that shit sink in!!

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