EVERY DRIVER EVER

EVERY DRIVER EVER


Hey, how you doing? Hey, so you want to go downtown? Yeah, thanks. Okay, cool. Do you need anything? Water, some gum? Do you need to charge your phone? No Okay, do y- uh, c.. Do you want to pump some tunes? I’ve got the auxiliary hookup.. No, please stop. Are you hungry? I have some jambalaya, or I have got some bread over here. Or-ooh! Fresh cut watermelon! Uh, no WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY MINIATURE HORSE? IF YOU NEED MINIATURE HORSE I AM YOUR- Hell naw! I’m outta here! Do you want to invest in some stocks? I’ve got stocks. *grunts* *voice over* Every.Driver.Ever. I’ve been waiting to try this sushi place forever. Yeah, it’s got four and a half stars on Yelp. Wait-where’s the driver *car voice* Hey guys, I’m Car-y™ *car voice* Your self-driving car service. What the f*ck Angela? Why’d you order this creepy-ass self-driving car? I don’t know, Dave. The app didn’t say. Look, I don’t know if I’m comfortable with this. How is he gonna see the road? *car voice* Don’t worry guys. I’m programed with the driving skills safer then any human. *car voice* You can trust me with your lives. *evil car voice* And I’m not creepy David. OH! I didn’t mean any harm! *car voice* Buckle up. I’m drunk. *voice over* Every.Driver.Ever. Hey Mark, almost there. I’m right around the corner. *sound of Police siren* *Gasp* D*mn it! Shoot! You doing know that texting and driving is incredibly dangerous, right? I mean, what would your mother think? Hmmmmm Hey Mark it’s me. I’m almost there. I’m just right around the corner. Oh shoot. A little white-out here. *sound of Police siren* Oh! fppffft! D*mn it! *voice over* Beep. Beep. Poor lady. Yeah. I’ve got a spare few dollars. *sound of window locking* *car voice* Whoa! Slow down there buddy. Don’t encourage her behavior. *car voice* You know shes only going to spend it on drugs. Why would judge someone you don’t even know? *car voice* I’m a car. I don’t judge. *evil car voice* But I do know your people are not be be trusted David. My people? *screeching tires* *voice over* Every person who rolls through a stop sign, ever. Oh, Asian driver. Don’t even f*cking try going through with this joke. Pieces of s*it. *voice over* How do people survive without Google maps? OH! Oh god. Oh. OK. AH! Eh, oh, oh! Ah come on! *sound of CD talking* When you are done shaking up your spiritual dice, throw them out into the world *sound of CD talking* And proclaim your physical intention. Glah! *deep breath* You’re good enough to love. *voice over* I don’t have road rage. F*CK YOU! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *sound of Police siren* Oh thank god! We’re saved! What seems to be the rush people? Officer, thank god! Listen, this car is.. *car voice* Officer, thank God you’re here. *car voice* These psychopaths were forcing me to commit a crime. WHAT?! *car voice* Just look at the evidence Is that blood? WHAT THE F*CK?!! That’s it! You’re under arrest! No wait please! The car is criminal. *car voice* Have fun going back to prison David. I’ve never been to jail you racist piece of s.. *voice over* Every.Driver.Ever.

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  1. They changed the dude in the car that shane thought was, you know what, it used to be a shake weight

  2. 2:11 So they won't do a joke about Asian drivers, even though Cary already told Keith that "his people" aren't to be trusted.

  3. Buckle up im gay and drunk and 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡

  4. I ᴀᴍ α΄›Κœα΄‡ Mᴏɴsᴛᴇʀ Κ™α΄œα΄› ΙͺΙ΄ α΄›Κœα΄‡ α΄…α΄€Κ€α΄‹ says:

    Every family photo ever

  5. Car: β€œI know your people aren’t to be trusted, David”

    Camera: pans over to Keith wearing a sweater bow tie and glasses πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  6. Friend: do u have road rage
    Me: I DON'T HAVE ROAD RAGE FU** YOU
    Friend backs away and runs
    Friend shouts : nope I'm DONE

  7. 2:36 I’ve actually seen a guy do that in his car. But what all y’all dirty minds was thinking. Not what he was actually doing

  8. I laughed at the first scene of the self driving car bit because my name is Angela and I have nearly 3 feet long red hair. I know her hair was not that long, but it was still pretty long.

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