At school, I used to regularly pay
my friend to clean my rubbers. – LAUGHTER – You used to pay your friends to
clean your rubbers. – It was just one friend. – How dirty can a rubber get? – Nobody cleans a rubber. – Oh, they get dirty, my friend.
– Do they?
– Oh, yes. – What? Full of… What, just lead,
mainly? – Full of… Yeah, lead. – Don’t you rub a dirty rubber
against a clean piece of paper and it sort of cleans itself? – No, what you’re describing is the
action of cleaning a rubber. That is how you clean a rubber. – Oh, I see, but you weren’t even
willing to do that. – That’s not the same as, “It cleans
itself.” That’s like saying, “Why do you need
to clean a car? “You just wipe it all over and it
cleans itself.” – LAUGHTER APPLAUSE
– OK. Ten years.
– What…? What is your…? – Ten years of this kind of
bullying. – LAUGHTER – What was your friend’s name? – Um… Ediz.
– Ediz. – Ediz. It’s a Turkish name. – How old were you? – Like… It was primary school, so
probably, like, ten. – So ten years old, and why couldn’t
you have just done that action of just rubbing it against a blank
piece of paper? – Well, he did it as, like, a
service to everyone. – How much did you pay him?
– Like, a pound a rubber. – A pound?!
– A pound a rub?
– A pound?
– Yeah. – Why couldn’t you have done it
yourself? I’m confused. – Because it used to have, like, a
nice smell when you had it back. – Are you sure it wasn’t Ediz?
– Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where was this magical smell coming
– Well, that’s the thing. We didn’t know until we got older.
– See, if I was giving a man a
rubber and he went away, and it came back
and I went… “That smells differently.”
– LAUGHTER – I would say, “Why does it smell
differently?” I wouldn’t just leave it at that and
go, “That’s different, yeah, here’s a
pound.” – He just said he’d found out years
later. – He was using, like, car air
freshener to spray it.
– Ah. – It was a great service. You were cool if you had a fresh
rubber. – LAUGHTER – But how much would a new rubber
have cost? – Probably about 10p. – LAUGHTER – How many times did you pay him a
pound to clean your rubber? – Like, it probably happened, like, once every two months or something
– What?! – And this went on for how long? – For ages. Like, for years.
– Monthly thing, “I’ll treat
myself.” – And he was doing it…
– He was making quite… – I’m going to get the rubber nicely
cleaned and scented… – Yeah.
– ..for the weekend. – LAUGHTER – Did Ediz clean any other
stationery items? – Um, not that I can remember, but he used to do something else
with stationery, but I can’t remember what that was.
He’d do… – He didn’t sharpen your pencils in
a very interesting way, did he? – LAUGHTER – It was something like he would
organise your pencil case but I can’t remember.
– Organise your…?! Sorry. – LAUGHTER
– I can’t remember now. – I’m picturing Ediz with a little
suit and a briefcase. “Hello, guys, how are you doing?
It’s me again, it’s Ediz. “I’m here to clean your rubbers or
organise your pencils,” and you’re in the corner going, “Oh, hang on, girls, I was chatting
you up “but I want to sort out my pencil
case. Just wait there. “Tell me some more, Ediz.” – Well, that’s exactly where the
economy’s going, isn’t it? Nobody makes things any more, we
just provide pointless services. “I’m a party planner!” “I’m a pencil case organiser!” “I shout on panel shows!” We used to make steel! – LAUGHTER APPLAUSE What’s it going to be? – Oh.
– Look, the thing is, during my one, which was true, I started thinking it was a lie. – LAUGHTER – So, I don’t… I haven’t got a clue any more. I actually kind of think it sounds
true but then, for that reason, I want to
say it’s a lie. – LAUGHTER – You’ve been a big help. Thank you. – LAUGHTER APPLAUSE – Gabby? – My gut’s saying, “True.” What’s your gut saying?
– Go on, let’s go true. – You’re going to say true? Melvin? – It is…
– Was it true? GABBY:
– A lie. – Or was it a lie? – It is… true.